Saturday, January 12, 2013

V is not just for Victory....

or how to set up your own blog.

My friend, Daylene, owns the Kenpo place the kids go to for lessons. She knows I have a blog and asked me to help her set one up for the Kenpo place. I haven't had the chance to really show her yet so I thought I would just do it here. That way, she can reference back to these instructions should she ever need to.

It's really easy, actually. Blogger has changed over the last few years and you don't even have to mess with HTML anymore. You just pick your style, add a few pictures (pictures are important) and start writing about stuff. You press the "design" button and you can add links to the side of your blog, etc. Easy stuff.

But, the hard part is getting people to find and read your blog. This is why I am going to suggest (here in the blog because who talks about this stuff actually out loud in public) that she somehow place the word, vagina, into one of her blog posts. How many people a day Google that word? It has to be somewhere in the billions each day. I'm probably going to get 100 hits every ten minutes on this blog for the next two years (at least) just because I included that word. And I'm going to be rich now.

Now, they're not just Googling it for sex. There are lots of other reasons to Google the word vagina.

Maybe they're looking for that Summer's Eve commercial:

Isn't that awesome? There's even some sort of Karate action going on in that commercial. It would be perfect for you, Daylene.

Have you ever been to the Summer's Eve site? That's pretty awesome, too. They have a talking vagina.

Talking Vagina

I don't know if that would be cool or not to have a talking vagina. It might be pretty annoying. What if you were trying to sleep and it kept talking? How would you shut it up? What if you were standing in line at the grocery store and it kept reminding you to get eggs? You'd be like, "Shut up Vagina. I'm in line. I got the eggs. Can we talk about your demands later?"

Unfortunately, now I always get a little nervous when I see the kids with their hands in that puppet position talking to each other. I take a double take and then I realize they're really not talking with their vagina hands, they're just playing like normal kids.

On Facebook, I've liked a page called "One Million Vaginas". I don't even know what the page is, I just thought it was funny. That's a lot of vaginas and for some reason it just makes me giggle. Actually, I think it may be some sort of Liberal site.

Ok, I just looked it up and it says this, "Take Back Your Vagina from invasive Conservative Politicians"

I don't remember giving it away to anyone. However, it hasn't been talking to me so maybe I did by accident and didn't realize it.

So anyway, this was supposed to be a helpful post for Daylene but instead I've turned it into a way to get hits on my blog into an ad for Summer's Eve. Not that ever used that stuff, but that's just too much information for now.

Anyway, Daylene, maybe we will have to talk about this in person because I can't seem to stay on subject when I'm typing and thinking about talking vaginas.

Oh, and like I said above, it's important to have pictures on your blog so I'll add one now....

That's Blake with his hand stuck in what I refer to as his "Saw Cup". That will be another post on that later. Right now, I'm really hungry and I'm going to scramble some eggs.

Oh, and sorry Mom and Grandma about this post. Please don't read it. But, I guess it's too late since I'm adding this at the end.


Pale Light said...

Omg!!! Best instructions ever!! My stomach hurts from laughing so hard and the kids are worried about my health because I won't tell them why I'm laughing.

Pale Light said...

Omg! I'm laughing so hard best instructions ever!

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