Monday, March 21, 2016

Shiny Polyester

When I was 11 and my sister was 6? 7? (I can't seem to remember our age difference), my parents plucked us out of our teeny tiny hometown of Ottawa, Illinois.

I remember looking at the back window of the car as we drove out of town. I was crying and promised my self that I would be back one way or the other within 6 months.

I was only 11. I was naive. What did I know?

This was 1980. If you do the math right, you'll get my age.

I hated school once I got here. I never was able to make friends and I was an outcast because I didn't wear designer jeans or Nike shoes. In fact, I was made fun of even more because a lot of my clothes were sewn by my grandmother.

I remember the first day back to school after Christmas. I loved Grandma's clothes and there was one special outfit that she had made for me that Christmas I thought for sure would make me popular with accepted by the girls and boys.

The boxes arrived by UPS and my mother would have to wrap everything in Christmas paper. Grandma smoked and all sewn items/gifts were wrapped in dryer sheets to soak up the cigarette smell.

Mom said that I was allergic to cigarette smoke, but just a few years later, I found out that was just one lie I was told. I had no problem smoking cigarettes at 15. Sheesh!

Christmas morning came and I unwrapped the gifts from Grandma. All beautiful! But like I said, there was one special outfit and it kind of looked like this:

It was all three pieces!
In white!
In shining polyester!

Oh, you didn't think I was talking about the dress, did you?

No. I received this gorgeous 3 piece white polyester suit. And I couldn't wait for Christmas break to be over.

The first day back to school was a day I looked forward to. However, I was hot. I mean really hot. I had still not acclimated to the weather and was still wearing shorts to school in December and felt perfectly fine. I'm used to snow and freezing cold. This polyester suit was hot!

I was sweating before I even got to school. I think I wore a pair of clogs with this outfit. Not too sure about what shirt I wore underneath but it didn't matter. I was lookin' good with my white polyester suit, my over sized framed glasses with the rhinestone "H" on the bottom right lens and my clogs.

I threw my backpack down next to the door of my class when my teacher walked out and saw me.

She looked me up and down and said, "Oh, Heatherrrrrrr". I took that as a compliment but looking back on it now, I think it was a warning.

She was probably thinking it but couldn't say it, "Oh, Heatherrrrrr, you are so going to get your ass kicked."

She smiled and I smiled and said, "My Grandma made this for me!"

I don't remember her reaction.

I do remember the snickers and the giggles and the pointing and the "God, you're so ugly" comments from the kids in my 6th grade class.

But for some reason, this time it didn't bother me. I would get my ass kicked years later for something else but I knew at this time that I looked good and that someone loved me enough to take the time to make this beautiful specimen that reflected the 80's.

I was smokin'!
I was an 11 year old in a shiny, white, polyester, 3 piece suit.
When I think about it today, it's a nice memory and I miss my grandma.

Thursday, January 07, 2016

Neon makes me want to wrestle

Yesterday I had my "annual" gyno exam. "Annual" is in quotes because it was actually longer than a year. I guess it had been 15 months. I knew it was time when Walgreen's wouldn't refill by prescription for my stupid birth control pills but had no idea why. All they could tell me was that it was under "Waiting Physician Approval".

I remembered that last year I couldn't refill until I made an appointment with the gyno for my annual. I was already late because who the hell remembers to fill their birth control pills when they're not having sex anyway? (Just because I'm married means nothing. My husband has quite the intimate affair going on with his computer. I'd rather sleep.)

So I called the OBGYN and demanded that they (please) stop holding my birth control pills under hostage. I'd make a stupid appointment. The nurse said she'd call them in but of course, it never happened so then I'm a week late starting the pill.

I called again, this time a bit angrier. I remember I had to do the same thing last year. I vowed this year to never go back to this OBGYN again. Never.

I make it to my appointment 10 minutes early. I still have to fill out paperwork even though I've been going to the same damn place for 15 years.

They call my name, they weigh me, I sigh in disgust and then I'm shuffled into a room with sexy bedroom furniture. There are plush, purple velour seats and I can see the outline of the person's pant seam that sat there before me.


I was given a purple silk robe with delicate embroidery and told that it opens in the front. Considering the sexy furniture and now this silk robe, I was afraid that maybe I was at the wrong place. However, I looked a little more at small pile of fabric on the table and there was the same paper blanket that they have every year sitting quietly next to the purple silk. I sighed in relief.

I took every thing off and like everyone else, folded my underwear and hid them in the pants. Does everyone do that? I thought what would it be like if I just acted like I was at home...threw the pants on the chair, the underwear on the floor, the bra hanging from the doorknob. I wasn't in the mood to test new grounds so I just left my clothes neatly on the plush velour chair and wondered what kind of outline my folded pants would leave.

I put the robe on, sat up on the table and waited and waited and waited. The robe was hot and I was sweating. Thank goodness for the paper blanket so I could wipe the sweat off.

Finally she came in. She did her thing and then we talked. I asked her when she could rip my ovaries out and she said she wasn't going to do that because I would have a difficult time with the hormones and stuff. (I'm only adding that part because my mother asks me EVERY SINGLE YEAR, "Why don't you ask them to rip out your ovaries?")

I asked her if there was anything I could do about my constant weight gain.

"Well, at your age", (shit is always going to be bad when people start out with that phrase) "it would be best to exercise 1 hour a day at least 6 days a week. Do you exercise now?"

I found myself staring at the wall as I answered her....

"Well, I've exercised in the past and it never does anything. Consistently, I mean. I've consistently exercised and (turning my head back to her so she doesn't think I'm lying) I lose no weight."

This is totally true. I have poly-cystic ovary syndrome and while I'm thrilled I don't have a mustache, as that is one of the symptoms, I cannot lose weight. This is why my mom asks me EVERY SINGLE YEAR, "Why don't you ask them to rip out your ovaries??"

"Hmmmm", she puts her manicured hands on her slender waist and I know she thinks I'm lying. "Why don't you join a gym? How about hire a trainer? It will really help your depression, too."

"All great ideas but the last time I was in a gym, I got incredibly sick. I'm really good about washing my hands but I no longer want to ever work out in a gym again. Besides I like to be at home when I exercise. Really, I totally wash my hands all the time."

This is really because I am way too self conscious to bounce around in front of anyone.

And really, hire a trainer? Can I use my EBT card to hire one? Who the hell has money for that? Oh, I know! Doctors! That's who.

She just looks at me, chin in hand and kind of tilts her head and starts to say something but I interrupt her.

"Ok, I'll start back (I really emphasized that word) on an exercise routine." God knows I have plenty of videos and motivational music to do something. I could even walk a dog here and there.

So, while I'm at Target today I'm walking around and saw a sign that says 40% off athletic bras. Well, heck! That's my biggest problem. Controlling my chest while exercising is half the battle. I bought the brightest (and actually largest) sports bras they had.

The bright neon colors will motivate me. I know they will. A couple weeks ago I bought some fancy neon stars decorated workout pants.

Holding up the pants, I asked my coworker, "Don't these pants just make you want to RUN?!"

She just looked at me.

But now I have a set.

A set of neon, fun, you-know-wanna-work-out, work-out outfit.

I'm now wearing the neon and I feel really good. I even bought some actual athletic type socks to make it feel more official.

I'm going to get out of bed here any second and start working out. I'm just on a Girls marathon since finding out the Kylo Ren is kind of a babe and that Adam Driver's previous work was on Girls. I have to watch every single one (while eating vegi straws) and then I'll work out.

In my neon. So watch out.

Oh, and here's a picture to capture your attention if you see this on Facebook....

Sunday, September 27, 2015


Just because my children have spent their lives in front of the camera does not mean they are happy to be there at any given time.

Both have had their pissy periods where they don't want to pose in front of the camera. When they were little, it was easier. I could bribe them with cookies. Now they want things like money and computer games.

Sometimes there is nothing to convince them except for threats. This was the case with Trent on Halloween 2012.

Ok, we really didn't threaten him. He made his costume and he looked FANTASTIC. He did his own make up.

Why wouldn't he want to crawl on the driveway after a bloody hand? I'll never know.

He also didn't particularly like my idea of being a "Zombie in the Headlights". I thought it was a cool shot because it looked more realistic than a really pissed off 12 year old crawling towards a plastic and bloody stump.

I just finished the page of that night almost 3 years ago...

It turned out a little more green than I had pictured in my head.

I made the background with a stencil and some crackle paste. I heated it dry, I covered it with brown ink and then sprayed green ink and wiped part of it off with a stencil of wonky circles.

Red ink flicked on for fun, because it is after all, a Halloween page about Zombies.
Papers are BasicGrey (Persimmon) and Kaisercraft. You can see I dug out the Magic Mesh from 1942. Also, some Tim Holtz here and there. Zombies are stamps that my friend, Sally, sent me. I LOVE THEM. I stamped and used Copics to color in. Fussy cut and then distressed the edges so they wouldn't stand out so much.

Somewhere I have a tiny fly stamp which would be perfect stamped over the "Z". Can I find it? No, of course not. I found the block of wood it's supposed to be stuck to, but no rubber.

So, imagine my page with a couple flies stamped on it. Looks better, eh?

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Shoe Shopping

Every year before school, my grandmother takes the kids shoe shopping. This year, she also treated us to lunch!

School starts on the 6th! I don't think I even remember having a summer.

No, the kids did not realize they were wearing matching shirts when they left the house.

Cheeseburgers are like steak and lobster for my kids!

I warned them not to get the GIANT sundae but they wouldn't listen to me. I had to help them finish. *sigh*

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Living above our means

Oh, it's summer at the Binnie house. You can tell because all the fans are on and you can smell the kids because they don't shower as often.

Erik still has no job. Thank you University of Arizona for screwing us so badly. I will make sure that none of my children get an education from you.

So, what does a family with no income for 4.5 months do for fun?

Gluttonous use of water in the kid's old baby pool. Oh, but it gets worse.

We wanted the dogs in the pool for entertainment so I threw a couple ice cubes in there. They LOVE ice cubes. However, they weren't interested in them floating around the pool so I brought out carrots.

I think they love carrots more than ice cubes.

We threw carrots in the pool and watched the dogs dive for them. Now that is fun!

You can see from Kat's expression that she is having the best time of her life.


The dogs are really enjoying it, too. 

You can also tell that I'm having a really bad day. Sorry. I'll come back when I'm in a better mood or when Erik finally gets a job. Whichever comes first. 

Erik and I make lists of things we want to repair/replace after he gets a job. We're like little kids at Christmas making their wish list.  The list keeps getting longer and longer.  

There is no living anymore. It's simply existing. There is nothing to look forward to. There are no feelings. Nothing.

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

This day

A new page I made today. Paint, ink, templates, patterned paper and some rhinestones and such.

The pictures are about 10 years old. Last month, Trent took a band trip to Disneyland and he came home telling us stories about this great place in Disneyland where everything is super large and there were spouts of water and on and on and on.

I showed him the pictures of him there at that exact same spot 10 years ago and he couldn't remember.

I thought it was time I made the page from that day. :)

Sunday, April 26, 2015

The Fair

My friend, Joanne, gave us 4 passes to the fair plus a free parking pass.

I was excited to see the animals.

We brought $20 and that was it. We don't have money to be spending on things like the Fair.

The obligatory photo by the photo booth.

After we looked at the animals, we stopped so Trent could buy some funnel cake with his own money.

Kat wanted cotton candy so we bought her that.

We walked around for awhile looking at rides that the kids may want to ride.

The finally settled on something called the Wave Rave. Or something like that.

It cost us the last $15.00 for them to take this ride.

But they enjoyed it. They really did. And they are the best kids because I said that I was sorry that we couldn't afford to get them another ride and they both said,

"That's OK, Mom! We really had a lot of fun and enjoyed it."

We had 6 (worthless) tickets left on our card so we gave them to a mom with 3 young boys and then we left.

It was nice. For a few minutes I forgot about our issues and I was just in the moment of watching my kids have fun. It's something we haven't had in awhile.

Thank you, Joanne!
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