I taped a Swiffer cloth to the bottom of Blake's lawnmower.
He was cleaning and didn't even notice.
Go Grandma!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
I am a freakin' genius!
I taped a Swiffer cloth to the bottom of Blake's lawnmower.
He was cleaning and didn't even notice.
Go Grandma!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Chihuahuas are for dressing up
I love having a small dog that I can dress up.
Here are Manny and Bob.
I know, Manny's outfit has a ruffle on the back. Bob has a little cherry eye issue going on, too.
Manny doesn't mind the ruffle because the shirt has skulls and guitars on it. Besides, he can't see it and there wasn't a boy style on clearance. Maybe if I'm feeling crafty later, I'll remove the ruffle and sew a little hem on it.
Here are Manny and Bob.
I know, Manny's outfit has a ruffle on the back. Bob has a little cherry eye issue going on, too.
Manny doesn't mind the ruffle because the shirt has skulls and guitars on it. Besides, he can't see it and there wasn't a boy style on clearance. Maybe if I'm feeling crafty later, I'll remove the ruffle and sew a little hem on it.
Actually, maybe I should take care of that right now because Bob seems to be confused.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Boxer the Hutt
As promised from yesterday's post, here are pictures of my friend's cat. He has two full back legs and only stumps for front legs.
We've been talking about doing this sort of photo of him, so I do have permission from his owner. I even asked her before she left. This is a well loved cat so I don't want to hear any crap about how mean I am.
Besides, I called my dad first to be sure it passed his test. If he thought I was being mean, I certainly wouldn't post it. Of course, he's the one that drew the chalk outline around the dead rat and broken pottery and then posted it on Facebook. (I'm looking for this photo) Maybe he isn't the best one to give me advice on what is a faux pas and what isn't.
But anyway, let me introduce you to Boxer the Hutt:
It wasn't until later that I realized I didn't have R2D2 or C3PO in the picture. I wanted to re-take the picture with the two in there, but Katrina was feeling, "uncomfortable".
While Kat and I were digging for my old Star Wars figures, we both had another brilliant idea.
Army Men!!
Boxer the Hutt took the army men down immediately. They didn't have a chance.
Neither did my vintage Fisher Price Little People:
He rolled over them and I had to dig them out from under his belly.
Afterwards, he got lots of loving and some cheese I found in their refrigerator.
Boxer is pretty old now. He has a brother that was adopted at the same time. I didn't get to see him today but he is missing one of his legs as well. My favorite story about Boxer was when he was a kitten. He was very agile and had no problem jumping up on the kitchen counter (which of course wasn't allowed but you and I both know that cats do whatever the hell they want). It was only when he wanted off the counter that the problem arose. As a cat, how do you jump off the counter if you only have two back legs? You can't. Boxer would always land on his face. Of course, it never stopped him and he'd do it frequently.
I'm looking for that rat picture. When I find it, I'll post it.
We've been talking about doing this sort of photo of him, so I do have permission from his owner. I even asked her before she left. This is a well loved cat so I don't want to hear any crap about how mean I am.
Besides, I called my dad first to be sure it passed his test. If he thought I was being mean, I certainly wouldn't post it. Of course, he's the one that drew the chalk outline around the dead rat and broken pottery and then posted it on Facebook. (I'm looking for this photo) Maybe he isn't the best one to give me advice on what is a faux pas and what isn't.
But anyway, let me introduce you to Boxer the Hutt:
It wasn't until later that I realized I didn't have R2D2 or C3PO in the picture. I wanted to re-take the picture with the two in there, but Katrina was feeling, "uncomfortable".
While Kat and I were digging for my old Star Wars figures, we both had another brilliant idea.
Army Men!!
Boxer the Hutt took the army men down immediately. They didn't have a chance.
Neither did my vintage Fisher Price Little People:
He rolled over them and I had to dig them out from under his belly.
Afterwards, he got lots of loving and some cheese I found in their refrigerator.
Boxer is pretty old now. He has a brother that was adopted at the same time. I didn't get to see him today but he is missing one of his legs as well. My favorite story about Boxer was when he was a kitten. He was very agile and had no problem jumping up on the kitchen counter (which of course wasn't allowed but you and I both know that cats do whatever the hell they want). It was only when he wanted off the counter that the problem arose. As a cat, how do you jump off the counter if you only have two back legs? You can't. Boxer would always land on his face. Of course, it never stopped him and he'd do it frequently.
I'm looking for that rat picture. When I find it, I'll post it.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
You're not actually pooping again, are you?
or, my first 15 minutes alone with six dogs.
A couple of my friends left for Disneyland today. I'm watching their dogs, cats, fish and mice. Their dogs are here.
Bob and Colby came over first. Then Shelby.
Then they started their mutiny.
I wanted to get them all to sit down so I could take a picture. Don't laugh. It's been done before but not with these dogs.
None of the dogs sat when I told them to. Not even my dogs. It's like they knew it was six against one and they were going to have absolutely nothing to do with what I said anymore.
Nothing.
I was outside and soon found myself saying:
Get off the table!
What are you eating?
Put that down!
That is an outside toy, not an inside toy!
Pooping again?!
Get over here!
Leave him alone!
Leave her alone!
Come over here and sit!! SIT!!
I'm not throwing your ball!!
Holy cow! Are you actually pooping AGAIN?!
Every time someone pooped or peed, all the other dogs had to pee over it.
I'm sure all that peeing would make any dog very dehydrated.
I was sitting on the far bench as far away as I could from the giant steaming pile of freshly deposited dog poop when I noticed Manny drinking out of the Christmas Tree stand. I now call this, "The Water Bowl of Unnecessary Torture and the Potential for Blindness"
*sigh* This is how my husband takes care of things, I guess. I won't tell you where the Christmas tree is. Ok, I will. It's sitting in the middle of the backyard. The dogs pee on it every day and the kids move it back and forth across the yard like it's a toy.
This is Bob. It poured today!! It was like a monsoon rain. The first thing Bob did when I let him outside was walk all the way through the giant puddle in the backyard. As he'd walk, he'd shake the water off his extra foot. He was acting like it was torture but it was his choice. Later I'd find him with the Saw Cup stuck on his face. He was happy to see me and stopped moving so I could take it off.
Here's a picture of all six of them. It took me awhile to get. As you can see, NONE of them are sitting. Shelby is off in the background, probably going to poop again.
Oh, and I'm really excited to go check on the cats. My friend has a cat with only two legs. He only has his back legs and he's really quite chubby because in his old age he can't move around a whole lot. She said I could put my Star Wars figurines around him and take pictures like he's Jabba the Hutt.
So, look for those pictures in the next couple of days.
Oh, man. Before I could even finish reading this, I caught Bob eating a purple crayon. I need to be more careful. I was warned that Bob would eat just about anything. He ate staples once. Luckily, they passed easily.
Dammit! Now Manny is finishing off the crayon.
Man, there's a lot of crap in this post.
A couple of my friends left for Disneyland today. I'm watching their dogs, cats, fish and mice. Their dogs are here.
Bob and Colby came over first. Then Shelby.
Then they started their mutiny.
I wanted to get them all to sit down so I could take a picture. Don't laugh. It's been done before but not with these dogs.
None of the dogs sat when I told them to. Not even my dogs. It's like they knew it was six against one and they were going to have absolutely nothing to do with what I said anymore.
Nothing.
I was outside and soon found myself saying:
Get off the table!
What are you eating?
Put that down!
That is an outside toy, not an inside toy!
Pooping again?!
Get over here!
Leave him alone!
Leave her alone!
Come over here and sit!! SIT!!
I'm not throwing your ball!!
Holy cow! Are you actually pooping AGAIN?!
Every time someone pooped or peed, all the other dogs had to pee over it.
I'm sure all that peeing would make any dog very dehydrated.
*sigh* This is how my husband takes care of things, I guess. I won't tell you where the Christmas tree is. Ok, I will. It's sitting in the middle of the backyard. The dogs pee on it every day and the kids move it back and forth across the yard like it's a toy.
This is Bob. It poured today!! It was like a monsoon rain. The first thing Bob did when I let him outside was walk all the way through the giant puddle in the backyard. As he'd walk, he'd shake the water off his extra foot. He was acting like it was torture but it was his choice. Later I'd find him with the Saw Cup stuck on his face. He was happy to see me and stopped moving so I could take it off.
Here's a picture of all six of them. It took me awhile to get. As you can see, NONE of them are sitting. Shelby is off in the background, probably going to poop again.
Oh, and I'm really excited to go check on the cats. My friend has a cat with only two legs. He only has his back legs and he's really quite chubby because in his old age he can't move around a whole lot. She said I could put my Star Wars figurines around him and take pictures like he's Jabba the Hutt.
So, look for those pictures in the next couple of days.
Oh, man. Before I could even finish reading this, I caught Bob eating a purple crayon. I need to be more careful. I was warned that Bob would eat just about anything. He ate staples once. Luckily, they passed easily.
Dammit! Now Manny is finishing off the crayon.
Man, there's a lot of crap in this post.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Captain Adorable and his first mates
It's a layout! Heck yeah!! This is supposed to be a scrapbooking blog.
Oh, I also discovered the Dymo Caption Maker for the script font on the piece of Dymo.
That's all American Crafts Ready, Set, Go. The tab punch is Jenni Bowlin and because it's my goal to use something really old on my pages (to help get rid of this growing stash), I've added an epoxy sticker from Christina Cole. Now that is REALLY OLD!
Oh, I also discovered the Dymo Caption Maker for the script font on the piece of Dymo.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
The Yo-Yo Man
Do you know who the Yo-Yo man is?
I do because I heard all about it this morning on the way to Kat's ortho appointment and then all the way back home and into the school's front office.
"I love you. Have a good day. Make good decisions and you're not to spend your money on a yo-yo", was the last thing I said to Kat this morning.
Every once in awhile, the school brings in the Yo-Yo man during PE and tries to sell really expensive yo-yos to small, naive children. I went through this same scenario with Trent during his first few years at elementary school. I gave in and bought him a yo-yo. He was bored and frustrated with it in less than two days. I guess the school hasn't had Yo-Yo man around the last couple of years because I haven't heard about him again until today.
I've never actually seen the Yo-Yo man but I can't help but picture him as a really nice, personable young man wearing a baseball cap and polo shirt. He stands atop a stage while behind him are boxes of brightly colored yo-yos stacked like Coke boxes at Walmart. Two bright spotlights shine down on Yo-Yo man and small children sit on the floor cross-legged, wide eyed with their mouths agape as he "Walks the Dog". He does all the tricks with grace and ease and the children exclaim, "oooooohhh!" or "ahhhhhhh" or even "woooooow".
He's quite the salesman.
Kat: Mom, can I have a yo-yo? They're only $15.00.
Me: No. I don't think so.
Kat: I have my own money. How about one for $10.00?
Me: That's kind of a lot of money for a yo-yo. What do they do with the money? Does it get donated or something?
Kat: Yeah, it's donated to some group.
Me: Who is it donated to? Rebel militia groups in Africa?
Kat: Ummm, no. It's donated to kids. MOM! WATCH OUT FOR THAT SCHOOL BUS!! hahahaha
Me: Thank you, Kat. I see the school bus. What children get the money? Homeless children? Children in America?
Kat: (trying another route)Do you know what a boomerang yo-yo is?
Me: Of course I do. It's a yo-yo on the floor that I step on too many times because you've become bored and frustrated with the yo-yo and now it's broken because I've stepped on it. I have to pick it up and throw it away. The next day it shows up on the floor in a different part of the house and I step on it again. That's a boomerang yo-yo.
Kat: No, Mom. (trying another route) You can buy replacement parts for the yo-yo.
Me: Oh, really? And just how much would that cost? Are they made in the USA or China?
Kat: USA. I really want a yo-yo. (still trying another route) It comes with a really good message. NED...(N)ever give up....(E)ncourage others....(D)o your best.
Me: You said nothing of a yo-yo last week. Last week it was Kidz Bop 23. Now it's a yo-yo. Maybe you should sleep on it or show me some paperwork about it.
Kat: (this time with sadness in her voice) Mackayla is going to get a yo-yo and brag about it.
Me: Great! Make sure you congratulate Mackayla on her purchase and encourage her to keep learning new tricks. Just like the NED message. That is a really good message.
This was only a couple minutes of our conversation. Believe me, it went on for what seemed like forever.
Just for shits and giggles, I looked up the NED yo-yos on line. There is nothing that I could find about donating money to anyone or any organization. So, I'm sure that was just a line Kat used to try to encourage me (just like she was taught in the NED yo-yo show) to let her purchase one.
After looking at the site for just a few more minutes, I can't really figure out exactly what they do. I did pull out this quote:
The NED Show motivates…encourages…INSPIRES your kids to become Champions at school and in life.
Ok, that's nice. I still don't get why yo-yos? Expensive yo-yos. Oh, there's a section on that. It says,
We incorporate yo-yos in our show, along with magic tricks and dramatic speech, to deliver a VISUAL lesson that sticks with students. It’s unique, it’s unusual and best of all, it's absolutely unforgettable. After the assembly, we offer items for purchase that prominently feature the NED Champion message, so that students have their own learning tools to reinforce the program. The message of our assembly literally becomes a hands-on object lesson that exceeds a 45-minute show.
Nope. Not buying it. If someone knows something more about this program, I'd love to know. I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. Usually. To me, this seems like a circus side show selling miracle drugs. After the circus leaves, it's forgotten about and stepped on and thrown away.
"Get your yo-yos here! This one cures syphilis!! This blue one cures herpes!! But for only $15.00, this one will make you POPULAR and COOL!!!!"
I have an acronym, too....
STTSMKOYY
Stop Trying To Sell My Kids Overpriced Yo-Yos
DISCLAIMER: Kat has had plenty of yo-yos in her life so I'm not the mean mom that won't let her get a stupid yo-yo. In fact, there is one on the shelf behind her bed. As soon as I pick her from school, I'm going to Do my best to Encourage her to play with her existing yo-yo and Never give up practicing.
and because I always say that pictures are important, here is an image of Abe Lincoln that the kids made with coins. This is from 2008 but better late than never.
I do because I heard all about it this morning on the way to Kat's ortho appointment and then all the way back home and into the school's front office.
"I love you. Have a good day. Make good decisions and you're not to spend your money on a yo-yo", was the last thing I said to Kat this morning.
Every once in awhile, the school brings in the Yo-Yo man during PE and tries to sell really expensive yo-yos to small, naive children. I went through this same scenario with Trent during his first few years at elementary school. I gave in and bought him a yo-yo. He was bored and frustrated with it in less than two days. I guess the school hasn't had Yo-Yo man around the last couple of years because I haven't heard about him again until today.
I've never actually seen the Yo-Yo man but I can't help but picture him as a really nice, personable young man wearing a baseball cap and polo shirt. He stands atop a stage while behind him are boxes of brightly colored yo-yos stacked like Coke boxes at Walmart. Two bright spotlights shine down on Yo-Yo man and small children sit on the floor cross-legged, wide eyed with their mouths agape as he "Walks the Dog". He does all the tricks with grace and ease and the children exclaim, "oooooohhh!" or "ahhhhhhh" or even "woooooow".
He's quite the salesman.
Kat: Mom, can I have a yo-yo? They're only $15.00.
Me: No. I don't think so.
Kat: I have my own money. How about one for $10.00?
Me: That's kind of a lot of money for a yo-yo. What do they do with the money? Does it get donated or something?
Kat: Yeah, it's donated to some group.
Me: Who is it donated to? Rebel militia groups in Africa?
Kat: Ummm, no. It's donated to kids. MOM! WATCH OUT FOR THAT SCHOOL BUS!! hahahaha
Me: Thank you, Kat. I see the school bus. What children get the money? Homeless children? Children in America?
Kat: (trying another route)Do you know what a boomerang yo-yo is?
Me: Of course I do. It's a yo-yo on the floor that I step on too many times because you've become bored and frustrated with the yo-yo and now it's broken because I've stepped on it. I have to pick it up and throw it away. The next day it shows up on the floor in a different part of the house and I step on it again. That's a boomerang yo-yo.
Kat: No, Mom. (trying another route) You can buy replacement parts for the yo-yo.
Me: Oh, really? And just how much would that cost? Are they made in the USA or China?
Kat: USA. I really want a yo-yo. (still trying another route) It comes with a really good message. NED...(N)ever give up....(E)ncourage others....(D)o your best.
Me: You said nothing of a yo-yo last week. Last week it was Kidz Bop 23. Now it's a yo-yo. Maybe you should sleep on it or show me some paperwork about it.
Kat: (this time with sadness in her voice) Mackayla is going to get a yo-yo and brag about it.
Me: Great! Make sure you congratulate Mackayla on her purchase and encourage her to keep learning new tricks. Just like the NED message. That is a really good message.
This was only a couple minutes of our conversation. Believe me, it went on for what seemed like forever.
Just for shits and giggles, I looked up the NED yo-yos on line. There is nothing that I could find about donating money to anyone or any organization. So, I'm sure that was just a line Kat used to try to encourage me (just like she was taught in the NED yo-yo show) to let her purchase one.
After looking at the site for just a few more minutes, I can't really figure out exactly what they do. I did pull out this quote:
The NED Show motivates…encourages…INSPIRES your kids to become Champions at school and in life.
Ok, that's nice. I still don't get why yo-yos? Expensive yo-yos. Oh, there's a section on that. It says,
We incorporate yo-yos in our show, along with magic tricks and dramatic speech, to deliver a VISUAL lesson that sticks with students. It’s unique, it’s unusual and best of all, it's absolutely unforgettable. After the assembly, we offer items for purchase that prominently feature the NED Champion message, so that students have their own learning tools to reinforce the program. The message of our assembly literally becomes a hands-on object lesson that exceeds a 45-minute show.
Nope. Not buying it. If someone knows something more about this program, I'd love to know. I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. Usually. To me, this seems like a circus side show selling miracle drugs. After the circus leaves, it's forgotten about and stepped on and thrown away.
"Get your yo-yos here! This one cures syphilis!! This blue one cures herpes!! But for only $15.00, this one will make you POPULAR and COOL!!!!"
I have an acronym, too....
STTSMKOYY
Stop Trying To Sell My Kids Overpriced Yo-Yos
DISCLAIMER: Kat has had plenty of yo-yos in her life so I'm not the mean mom that won't let her get a stupid yo-yo. In fact, there is one on the shelf behind her bed. As soon as I pick her from school, I'm going to Do my best to Encourage her to play with her existing yo-yo and Never give up practicing.
and because I always say that pictures are important, here is an image of Abe Lincoln that the kids made with coins. This is from 2008 but better late than never.
School buses, construction zones and Lost
Back in December, while Erik was driving the Mini, he was hit by a school bus.
A school bus that didn't stop.
It was cold, dark and raining that morning. We have State Farm and when Erik called, an agent didn't magically show up like they do on the commercials (which I totally complained about to my agent later). Instead, he was transferred back and forth from one agent to another while standing under the shelter of a Circle K and it was basically just a disaster that I don't even want to talk about.
But anyway, 5 weeks later (yesterday), we're told the Mini is ready.
So we race down to the body shop to pick it up before they close.
Now, Erik wasn't injured in the accident. Thank goodness! But there was an impression left on my son.
Apparently, as Erik and Trent were driving home from the body shop in the Mini, a school bus pulled up to a stop sign as they were cruising along the road.
Trent, being the smart ass that he is, screamed, "DAD! WATCH OUT FOR THE SCHOOL BUS!"
I would have freaked out had he done that crap to me. I already have an anxiety issue. This is not something you want to do to someone like me.
Later as the story was being told to me while I was driving back from the rental car place, I tried to tell him this. Instead of listening, he screamed, "MOM! WATCH OUT FOR THE GIANT YELLOW VEHICLE!"
and I looked and there was a giant yellow truck passing me. He's lucky I didn't swerve but I now have new confidence in my driving ability, especially under stress.
While I was driving home from the body shop, I had Katrina with me. In Tucson, there is no way to avoid road construction. No way.
As we're driving along at 15 mph, she says completely out of the blue:
"Mom, do you remember how you cried at the end of Lost?"
Me: "Yeah. Why do you bring this up?"
Kat: "Well, there was that pipe back there."
It was a giant construction pipe for water. I think it stands about twenty feet high. I'm thinking to myself, "oh this is gonna be good".
Me: "Ok, what does that pipe have to do with my ugly cry at the end of Lost?"
Kat: "Well", she started, "The pipe was leaking morsels of water,"
Me: "Do you mean 'drops'? 'Drops' of water were leaking'?"
Kat: "NO! Morsels. I don't care if it means something about food. Morsels!".
Me: "Ok, go on."
Kat: "Well, the drops, I mean morsels of water reminds me of the ocean. The ocean reminds me of Lost. Lost reminds me of the last episode of Lost and the last episode of Lost reminds me of you crying. Get it?"
Oh yeah, I got it. My brain works the exact same way. I can start out thinking about scrapbooking and change to porn in about 5 seconds flat.
But right now I'm thinking of a headache because Katrina used the word "morsels". You know, Nestle Chocolate Chip morsels. Chocolate Chip morsels remind me of chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip cookies remind me of sugar. Sugar reminds me of the headache I would get if I ate too many chocolate chip cookies but wouldn't care. I just want a cookie really badly right now.
and because I have always claimed that pictures are important, I've added a picture of Katrina from Christmas Eve while I was trying to do custom bokah. See, the lights are little hearts?? Too bad I couldn't remember to use a tripod.
A school bus that didn't stop.
It was cold, dark and raining that morning. We have State Farm and when Erik called, an agent didn't magically show up like they do on the commercials (which I totally complained about to my agent later). Instead, he was transferred back and forth from one agent to another while standing under the shelter of a Circle K and it was basically just a disaster that I don't even want to talk about.
But anyway, 5 weeks later (yesterday), we're told the Mini is ready.
So we race down to the body shop to pick it up before they close.
Now, Erik wasn't injured in the accident. Thank goodness! But there was an impression left on my son.
Apparently, as Erik and Trent were driving home from the body shop in the Mini, a school bus pulled up to a stop sign as they were cruising along the road.
Trent, being the smart ass that he is, screamed, "DAD! WATCH OUT FOR THE SCHOOL BUS!"
I would have freaked out had he done that crap to me. I already have an anxiety issue. This is not something you want to do to someone like me.
Later as the story was being told to me while I was driving back from the rental car place, I tried to tell him this. Instead of listening, he screamed, "MOM! WATCH OUT FOR THE GIANT YELLOW VEHICLE!"
and I looked and there was a giant yellow truck passing me. He's lucky I didn't swerve but I now have new confidence in my driving ability, especially under stress.
While I was driving home from the body shop, I had Katrina with me. In Tucson, there is no way to avoid road construction. No way.
As we're driving along at 15 mph, she says completely out of the blue:
"Mom, do you remember how you cried at the end of Lost?"
Me: "Yeah. Why do you bring this up?"
Kat: "Well, there was that pipe back there."
It was a giant construction pipe for water. I think it stands about twenty feet high. I'm thinking to myself, "oh this is gonna be good".
Me: "Ok, what does that pipe have to do with my ugly cry at the end of Lost?"
Kat: "Well", she started, "The pipe was leaking morsels of water,"
Me: "Do you mean 'drops'? 'Drops' of water were leaking'?"
Kat: "NO! Morsels. I don't care if it means something about food. Morsels!".
Me: "Ok, go on."
Kat: "Well, the drops, I mean morsels of water reminds me of the ocean. The ocean reminds me of Lost. Lost reminds me of the last episode of Lost and the last episode of Lost reminds me of you crying. Get it?"
Oh yeah, I got it. My brain works the exact same way. I can start out thinking about scrapbooking and change to porn in about 5 seconds flat.
But right now I'm thinking of a headache because Katrina used the word "morsels". You know, Nestle Chocolate Chip morsels. Chocolate Chip morsels remind me of chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip cookies remind me of sugar. Sugar reminds me of the headache I would get if I ate too many chocolate chip cookies but wouldn't care. I just want a cookie really badly right now.
and because I have always claimed that pictures are important, I've added a picture of Katrina from Christmas Eve while I was trying to do custom bokah. See, the lights are little hearts?? Too bad I couldn't remember to use a tripod.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
BasicGrey goes PORN
this was supposed to be a post about the overwhelming cheese selection at Costco but instead I bring you breaking news:
Don't believe me, check it out for yourself:
This is from a section of the True Love collection. The paper is called "Kissing Tree". It should really be called, "Porn Tree".
Do you see it? He has his hand on her breast. I can't tell for sure if her breast is naked, but look at the dog.
The dog looking away is a sure sign that it is pornographic. Right? Right?
and I won't even mention how relaxed her knees are.
or the fact that the donkey is looking the other way, too.
Scrapbooking, card makers and paper friends....I am so excited!! Now we can craft, get high off the paper, ink and glue fumes and get turned on all at the same time!! What a time saver!
BasicGrey, you can thank me later when this line sells out in record time.
now back to the cheese....my mom and I were having this first world problem because we couldn't decide what kind of cheese to buy at Costco. I took a few pictures but now I can't figure out how to download them off my phone so you, dear reader, get porn instead. Lucky you!
Erik just now walked in....
Erik: Hi Sweetie!
me: GUESS WHAT! BASIC GREY IS SELLING PORN! (I point to the computer)
Erik: I bet you're excited about that, huh?
me: Yep, you got the right.
Manny the dog walks out of the room.
note to self: don't forget to add "BasicGrey" to the Labels.
BasicGrey is now selling porn!!!.
(can't that font get any bigger???)
Don't believe me, check it out for yourself:
This is from a section of the True Love collection. The paper is called "Kissing Tree". It should really be called, "Porn Tree".
Do you see it? He has his hand on her breast. I can't tell for sure if her breast is naked, but look at the dog.
The dog looking away is a sure sign that it is pornographic. Right? Right?
and I won't even mention how relaxed her knees are.
or the fact that the donkey is looking the other way, too.
Scrapbooking, card makers and paper friends....I am so excited!! Now we can craft, get high off the paper, ink and glue fumes and get turned on all at the same time!! What a time saver!
BasicGrey, you can thank me later when this line sells out in record time.
now back to the cheese....my mom and I were having this first world problem because we couldn't decide what kind of cheese to buy at Costco. I took a few pictures but now I can't figure out how to download them off my phone so you, dear reader, get porn instead. Lucky you!
Erik just now walked in....
Erik: Hi Sweetie!
me: GUESS WHAT! BASIC GREY IS SELLING PORN! (I point to the computer)
Erik: I bet you're excited about that, huh?
me: Yep, you got the right.
Manny the dog walks out of the room.
note to self: don't forget to add "BasicGrey" to the Labels.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
This hasn't happened in awhile
When Zoe had her surgery in November, we took her shock collar off and I guess we forgot to put it back on. She's had months to hit the garbage and the pantry that's full of sugar and why she decided today was the day she was going to eat garbage I'll never know. I found the same mess in my bedroom but figured one picture of garbage was good enough.
Looks like the collar is going back on today.
The problem is that now Manny thinks garbage is really cool. He's learning tricks from the other animals.
He watches the cat get on the counter, which is a big no-no and she gets sprayed with water when I catch her, but now I'm catching Manny on the counter. He sees the cat jump on the chair and then on the counter.
I had my suspicions last week when I had half an orange in a Rubbermaid container (with no lid) on the counter. I left to pick up the kids and when we came back, there was no orange. I thought maybe one of the kids had taken it but they all denied it.
It wasn't until the next day when we invited my neighbor over for pizza that I discovered what was really going on.
I came home, put the pizzas on the counter, turned on the oven and went to the bathroom. When I came back, there was Manny ON THE FREAKIN' COUNTER chewing on my vegi pizza. Why he didn't go for the pepperoni one, I'll never know. We get the pizzas from Papa Murphy's where you have to bake them at home. He had chewed through the plastic and was gnawing on the raw dough and really not getting very far because if you've ever tried to eat raw pizza dough, it's not very easy. I've never eaten raw pizza dough but I can just tell because it's all soft and rubbery and just looks like it would be hard to eat.
Manny has also been crapping in his bed which I think is a direct result from hanging out with the mice for too long. They crap in their bedding so why can't he?
He's still so cute as a little bug and I love him so much. I just have to get my dog trainer in her ASAP.
I won't tell you how he bit my mother. He HATES her with a passion and I have no idea why.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
The accidental chicken wing story
I'm going to tell you a secret. I love buffalo chicken wings. Wait, that's not the secret. It's the extra ingredient that is a secret. I accidentally discovered something else that makes them so much better.
Guests come to me with their eyes tearing and say, "Heather! These are good wings!"
I have always used The Pioneer Woman's recipe. Except that I don't fry them, I bake the wings for about an hour.
It was in between paychecks one day and we had all the ingredients for the wings except the butter. Butter is expensive and I didn't feel like going to the store just for that anyway. I searched high and low in the fridge and found half and half.
I said, "Why not?"
So, I added half and half instead of butter and it made the wings so much better. It's like the hotness stuck to your mouth longer or something. I don't add a lot of half and half (or even heavy cream) just a little bit, like 1/2 a cup or less.
In addition, I also add red pepper flakes and black pepper. I grind the pepper mill until my wrist hurts. That's when I know it's enough.
So try it out and let me know what you think.
Guests come to me with their eyes tearing and say, "Heather! These are good wings!"
I have always used The Pioneer Woman's recipe. Except that I don't fry them, I bake the wings for about an hour.
It was in between paychecks one day and we had all the ingredients for the wings except the butter. Butter is expensive and I didn't feel like going to the store just for that anyway. I searched high and low in the fridge and found half and half.
I said, "Why not?"
So, I added half and half instead of butter and it made the wings so much better. It's like the hotness stuck to your mouth longer or something. I don't add a lot of half and half (or even heavy cream) just a little bit, like 1/2 a cup or less.
In addition, I also add red pepper flakes and black pepper. I grind the pepper mill until my wrist hurts. That's when I know it's enough.
So try it out and let me know what you think.
Monday, January 14, 2013
I'm old
Yesterday Kat and I went to Target. She had a gift card burning a hole in her pocket and I needed more wine.
As we were heading to the check out, I noticed this:
When did 409 come out with Stone and Steel cleaner? We snatched up that bottle and a bottle of the regular stuff because you never know when you're going to need it. We have some sort of rock stone in our bathroom that you can't clean with pine-sol, bleach or Windex so I was so excited when I found this.
It says it also works well on Stainless Steel. I was excited about that, too, because then I could stop moving around magnets on the fridge to cover up fingerprints. We all do that, right? It's not just me?
These are zombie magnets I got for Christmas. They're strategically placed to cover fingerprints. You can see that the kids mess with them because you can still see fingerprints on the fridge.
On the drive home from Target, I was still thinking about the 409 Stone and Steel cleaner. I couldn't wait to show Erik.
When I got home and walked in, I said to Erik, "Guess what I got? You'll never guess in a million years".
He knew he never would be able to guess but he said, "wine" anyway. He was right but that 's not what I was so excited about. I pulled out the 409 Stone and Steel cleaner from the bag to show him and that's when I realized....
I'm old.
I'm so very old.
I'm excited about 409 Stone and Steel cleaner. I must be old.
It's my birthday today. I'm even older than I was yesterday when I bought the 409.
As we were heading to the check out, I noticed this:
It says it also works well on Stainless Steel. I was excited about that, too, because then I could stop moving around magnets on the fridge to cover up fingerprints. We all do that, right? It's not just me?
These are zombie magnets I got for Christmas. They're strategically placed to cover fingerprints. You can see that the kids mess with them because you can still see fingerprints on the fridge.
On the drive home from Target, I was still thinking about the 409 Stone and Steel cleaner. I couldn't wait to show Erik.
When I got home and walked in, I said to Erik, "Guess what I got? You'll never guess in a million years".
He knew he never would be able to guess but he said, "wine" anyway. He was right but that 's not what I was so excited about. I pulled out the 409 Stone and Steel cleaner from the bag to show him and that's when I realized....
I'm old.
I'm so very old.
I'm excited about 409 Stone and Steel cleaner. I must be old.
It's my birthday today. I'm even older than I was yesterday when I bought the 409.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
The Saw Cup
As promised from my previous post, this is the story about Blake's "Saw Cup".
I guess plastic baggies are out of style for toddlers to carry their Cheerios in nowadays. I never see toddlers with baggies, they have really cool Gyro bowls to hold their snacks in while their moms and grandmas cruise around Target.
I really, really wanted a Gyro bowl but I couldn't find one so I ended up buying the "Saw Cup". I didn't realize at first that it would remind me of violence, suffering and death. It was only after Blake put his hand in the top that it hit me....
this is just like the scene from Saw 2 where the stupid girl puts her hands in the glass box with razor blade (I think) holes.
Here's the scene I'm talking about. It's two minutes long, but the part I'm talking about ends at about 30 seconds in so that's really all you need to watch. Of course, you can watch the whole thing, I'm not telling you what to do unlike Erik who heard me watching it and heard the kids saying, "oh, I understand now, Mom" and then he started yelling at me because he doesn't like it when I show the kids scenes from horror movies....
You wake up in a house with other people and there's a scary warning that you're all going to die. So, they're all trying to escape and she wanders alone into this room and sees this glass box and says to herself, "Hey, I'm going to stick my hand in here because the magic antidote is right there, I can see it, so nothing could possibly go wrong."
Well, duh. Her hand gets stuck and then she decides to put her other hand in, too. Duh! She can't pull her hands out and they start getting all bloody. I don't remember what happens next because I watched it so long ago and Erik wouldn't let me finish watching the scene on YouTube but I'm sure she dies a horrible and violent death.
So anyway, "Saw Cup" doesn't even work very well. Blake has a hard time getting his hand back out (just like the girl in the video) so he ends up walking around with the cup stuck on his hand while Cheerios spill out all over everywhere.
and that is why I call it "Saw Cup" and that is why I'm switching to plastic baggies.
I guess plastic baggies are out of style for toddlers to carry their Cheerios in nowadays. I never see toddlers with baggies, they have really cool Gyro bowls to hold their snacks in while their moms and grandmas cruise around Target.
I really, really wanted a Gyro bowl but I couldn't find one so I ended up buying the "Saw Cup". I didn't realize at first that it would remind me of violence, suffering and death. It was only after Blake put his hand in the top that it hit me....
this is just like the scene from Saw 2 where the stupid girl puts her hands in the glass box with razor blade (I think) holes.
Here's the scene I'm talking about. It's two minutes long, but the part I'm talking about ends at about 30 seconds in so that's really all you need to watch. Of course, you can watch the whole thing, I'm not telling you what to do unlike Erik who heard me watching it and heard the kids saying, "oh, I understand now, Mom" and then he started yelling at me because he doesn't like it when I show the kids scenes from horror movies....
You wake up in a house with other people and there's a scary warning that you're all going to die. So, they're all trying to escape and she wanders alone into this room and sees this glass box and says to herself, "Hey, I'm going to stick my hand in here because the magic antidote is right there, I can see it, so nothing could possibly go wrong."
Well, duh. Her hand gets stuck and then she decides to put her other hand in, too. Duh! She can't pull her hands out and they start getting all bloody. I don't remember what happens next because I watched it so long ago and Erik wouldn't let me finish watching the scene on YouTube but I'm sure she dies a horrible and violent death.
So anyway, "Saw Cup" doesn't even work very well. Blake has a hard time getting his hand back out (just like the girl in the video) so he ends up walking around with the cup stuck on his hand while Cheerios spill out all over everywhere.
and that is why I call it "Saw Cup" and that is why I'm switching to plastic baggies.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
V is not just for Victory....
or how to set up your own blog.
My friend, Daylene, owns the Kenpo place the kids go to for lessons. She knows I have a blog and asked me to help her set one up for the Kenpo place. I haven't had the chance to really show her yet so I thought I would just do it here. That way, she can reference back to these instructions should she ever need to.
It's really easy, actually. Blogger has changed over the last few years and you don't even have to mess with HTML anymore. You just pick your style, add a few pictures (pictures are important) and start writing about stuff. You press the "design" button and you can add links to the side of your blog, etc. Easy stuff.
But, the hard part is getting people to find and read your blog. This is why I am going to suggest (here in the blog because who talks about this stuff actually out loud in public) that she somehow place the word, vagina, into one of her blog posts. How many people a day Google that word? It has to be somewhere in the billions each day. I'm probably going to get 100 hits every ten minutes on this blog for the next two years (at least) just because I included that word. And I'm going to be rich now.
Now, they're not just Googling it for sex. There are lots of other reasons to Google the word vagina.
Maybe they're looking for that Summer's Eve commercial:
Isn't that awesome? There's even some sort of Karate action going on in that commercial. It would be perfect for you, Daylene.
Have you ever been to the Summer's Eve site? That's pretty awesome, too. They have a talking vagina.
Talking Vagina
I don't know if that would be cool or not to have a talking vagina. It might be pretty annoying. What if you were trying to sleep and it kept talking? How would you shut it up? What if you were standing in line at the grocery store and it kept reminding you to get eggs? You'd be like, "Shut up Vagina. I'm in line. I got the eggs. Can we talk about your demands later?"
Unfortunately, now I always get a little nervous when I see the kids with their hands in that puppet position talking to each other. I take a double take and then I realize they're really not talking with their vagina hands, they're just playing like normal kids.
On Facebook, I've liked a page called "One Million Vaginas". I don't even know what the page is, I just thought it was funny. That's a lot of vaginas and for some reason it just makes me giggle. Actually, I think it may be some sort of Liberal site.
Ok, I just looked it up and it says this, "Take Back Your Vagina from invasive Conservative Politicians"
I don't remember giving it away to anyone. However, it hasn't been talking to me so maybe I did by accident and didn't realize it.
So anyway, this was supposed to be a helpful post for Daylene but instead I've turned it into a way to get hits on my blog into an ad for Summer's Eve. Not that ever used that stuff, but that's just too much information for now.
Anyway, Daylene, maybe we will have to talk about this in person because I can't seem to stay on subject when I'm typing and thinking about talking vaginas.
Oh, and like I said above, it's important to have pictures on your blog so I'll add one now....
That's Blake with his hand stuck in what I refer to as his "Saw Cup". That will be another post on that later. Right now, I'm really hungry and I'm going to scramble some eggs.
Oh, and sorry Mom and Grandma about this post. Please don't read it. But, I guess it's too late since I'm adding this at the end.
My friend, Daylene, owns the Kenpo place the kids go to for lessons. She knows I have a blog and asked me to help her set one up for the Kenpo place. I haven't had the chance to really show her yet so I thought I would just do it here. That way, she can reference back to these instructions should she ever need to.
It's really easy, actually. Blogger has changed over the last few years and you don't even have to mess with HTML anymore. You just pick your style, add a few pictures (pictures are important) and start writing about stuff. You press the "design" button and you can add links to the side of your blog, etc. Easy stuff.
But, the hard part is getting people to find and read your blog. This is why I am going to suggest (here in the blog because who talks about this stuff actually out loud in public) that she somehow place the word, vagina, into one of her blog posts. How many people a day Google that word? It has to be somewhere in the billions each day. I'm probably going to get 100 hits every ten minutes on this blog for the next two years (at least) just because I included that word. And I'm going to be rich now.
Now, they're not just Googling it for sex. There are lots of other reasons to Google the word vagina.
Maybe they're looking for that Summer's Eve commercial:
Isn't that awesome? There's even some sort of Karate action going on in that commercial. It would be perfect for you, Daylene.
Have you ever been to the Summer's Eve site? That's pretty awesome, too. They have a talking vagina.
Talking Vagina
I don't know if that would be cool or not to have a talking vagina. It might be pretty annoying. What if you were trying to sleep and it kept talking? How would you shut it up? What if you were standing in line at the grocery store and it kept reminding you to get eggs? You'd be like, "Shut up Vagina. I'm in line. I got the eggs. Can we talk about your demands later?"
Unfortunately, now I always get a little nervous when I see the kids with their hands in that puppet position talking to each other. I take a double take and then I realize they're really not talking with their vagina hands, they're just playing like normal kids.
On Facebook, I've liked a page called "One Million Vaginas". I don't even know what the page is, I just thought it was funny. That's a lot of vaginas and for some reason it just makes me giggle. Actually, I think it may be some sort of Liberal site.
Ok, I just looked it up and it says this, "Take Back Your Vagina from invasive Conservative Politicians"
I don't remember giving it away to anyone. However, it hasn't been talking to me so maybe I did by accident and didn't realize it.
So anyway, this was supposed to be a helpful post for Daylene but instead I've turned it
Anyway, Daylene, maybe we will have to talk about this in person because I can't seem to stay on subject when I'm typing and thinking about talking vaginas.
Oh, and like I said above, it's important to have pictures on your blog so I'll add one now....
Oh, and sorry Mom and Grandma about this post. Please don't read it. But, I guess it's too late since I'm adding this at the end.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
I was caught by the Principal
As some of you know, we've been watching the Science Teacher's mice over the Christmas break. Today was the day I was going to take them back.
I've been through this drill before. I pull up, put on the blinking light things on my car, Trent runs out and into the office. Within 18 seconds 3 other people come rushing out with a giant cart large enough to carry the 40+ pound aquarium and all the food and bedding. It's like a scene from Grey's Anatomy when all the doctors come rushing out to the ambulance with a gurney. Within two minutes, I'm completely out of the parking lot.
But, while this is happening, I get dirty looks from the other parents dropping their kids off. Some are shaking their fist and I just know they're saying (cause I'm kinda good at reading lips) "JUST DROP OFF YOUR KID AND MOVE ON!" They violently turn their steering wheels and swerve to the left to get around "that stupid lady that's in the drop off zone. Why doesn't she just park the damn car and get out??"
After all, that's what I'm saying at the elementary school drop off when I'm trying to drop off Kat (but come on, really?? do you HAVE to watch your kid walk all the way to the gate and inside before you leave?? Can't you just say, "I love you and have a good day" while you're driving??)
But, I have Mousies and they're cold and scared.
This time, though, I saw a parking space in the lot in front of the drop zone. I was elated that I would avoid dirty looks and shaking fists and the Mousies would not be so scared.
By the time I got into the parking lot, I realized that the open space on the curb said, "Principal". Oh no!!! Did I really want to pull out, go all the way around and into the drop off line, wait, wait, wait and then get the dirty looks and shaking fists? No, I didn't. I parked in the Principal's space and it was a decision that would change the rest of my day.
"Oh, I can do this. It's only 2 minutes. RUN TRENT RUN!" Trent opened the door and sped out, avoiding dirty looks and shaking fists as he ran through the drop off traffic.
30 seconds pass and I'm starting to panic. Where is he? Why is this taking so long? I keep checking the end of the parking lot to make sure no one else is pulling in.
Suddenly lights blind my eyes. Oh no! A car is pulling in the lot. Please don't be the principal, please don't be the principal, please don't be the principal.
It is.
I look for Trent. I still don't see him. It's been a good 60 seconds now.
The principal sees me sitting next to my open trunk and by this time the mousies are running all over the cage, climbing up the water bottle and trying to escape. They can feel my tension.
I look for Trent again. Oh, there he is. He's by himself and he's shuffling along like both of his shoe laces are untied and he's trying not to trip himself. "Look up, Trent. Look at me. The principal IS HERE AND SHE WANTS TO PARK HER CAR HERE!! Hurry!!" I say all of this to myself.
The principal backs up and parks behind three other cars and gets out.
"I'm so sorry", I said meekly. I felt this strange urge to drop a cigarette before she could see but I realized that I wasn't smoking and the feeling was actually just a knee jerk reaction to my days in junior high.
"I have mousies", was all I could squeak out. What seemed like a really good excuse for parking there now felt incredibly stupid.
"Hi Mousies", she said. I rubbed my foot into the ground, extinguishing a cigarette that wasn't there.
Again I apologized and she tried to tell me it was ok and to have a nice day. I felt horrible. Where the hell was Trenton??
Ahhh, there he was. He was trying to maneuver the cart down the cement ramp where a parent had stopped in front of to drop their kid off. Trent had to wait until they moved.
The principal left and was very, very nice. I felt like an absolute fool.
Finally Trent made it to the car, I loaded it up as quick as I could and told him to be careful because he was already in trouble because his mother had been caught by the principal parking in her spot. He looked at me a little strangely but I sent him on his way because I wanted out of there so quickly.
Once I escaped the parking lot, I did go across the street to park at the church. Kat and I walked over to the office to ask if she wanted me to move her car into the parking spot. I thought that was the least I could do since I was "one of those parents".
Again she was very nice about it and said that it was no big deal.
So, there is your lesson for the day. Don't park in the Principal's parking spot even if you have to drop off Mousies. It's totally not worth it.
Have a nice day!
But, while this is happening, I get dirty looks from the other parents dropping their kids off. Some are shaking their fist and I just know they're saying (cause I'm kinda good at reading lips) "JUST DROP OFF YOUR KID AND MOVE ON!" They violently turn their steering wheels and swerve to the left to get around "that stupid lady that's in the drop off zone. Why doesn't she just park the damn car and get out??"
After all, that's what I'm saying at the elementary school drop off when I'm trying to drop off Kat (but come on, really?? do you HAVE to watch your kid walk all the way to the gate and inside before you leave?? Can't you just say, "I love you and have a good day" while you're driving??)
But, I have Mousies and they're cold and scared.
This time, though, I saw a parking space in the lot in front of the drop zone. I was elated that I would avoid dirty looks and shaking fists and the Mousies would not be so scared.
By the time I got into the parking lot, I realized that the open space on the curb said, "Principal". Oh no!!! Did I really want to pull out, go all the way around and into the drop off line, wait, wait, wait and then get the dirty looks and shaking fists? No, I didn't. I parked in the Principal's space and it was a decision that would change the rest of my day.
"Oh, I can do this. It's only 2 minutes. RUN TRENT RUN!" Trent opened the door and sped out, avoiding dirty looks and shaking fists as he ran through the drop off traffic.
30 seconds pass and I'm starting to panic. Where is he? Why is this taking so long? I keep checking the end of the parking lot to make sure no one else is pulling in.
Suddenly lights blind my eyes. Oh no! A car is pulling in the lot. Please don't be the principal, please don't be the principal, please don't be the principal.
It is.
I look for Trent. I still don't see him. It's been a good 60 seconds now.
The principal sees me sitting next to my open trunk and by this time the mousies are running all over the cage, climbing up the water bottle and trying to escape. They can feel my tension.
I look for Trent again. Oh, there he is. He's by himself and he's shuffling along like both of his shoe laces are untied and he's trying not to trip himself. "Look up, Trent. Look at me. The principal IS HERE AND SHE WANTS TO PARK HER CAR HERE!! Hurry!!" I say all of this to myself.
The principal backs up and parks behind three other cars and gets out.
"I'm so sorry", I said meekly. I felt this strange urge to drop a cigarette before she could see but I realized that I wasn't smoking and the feeling was actually just a knee jerk reaction to my days in junior high.
"I have mousies", was all I could squeak out. What seemed like a really good excuse for parking there now felt incredibly stupid.
"Hi Mousies", she said. I rubbed my foot into the ground, extinguishing a cigarette that wasn't there.
Again I apologized and she tried to tell me it was ok and to have a nice day. I felt horrible. Where the hell was Trenton??
Ahhh, there he was. He was trying to maneuver the cart down the cement ramp where a parent had stopped in front of to drop their kid off. Trent had to wait until they moved.
The principal left and was very, very nice. I felt like an absolute fool.
Finally Trent made it to the car, I loaded it up as quick as I could and told him to be careful because he was already in trouble because his mother had been caught by the principal parking in her spot. He looked at me a little strangely but I sent him on his way because I wanted out of there so quickly.
Once I escaped the parking lot, I did go across the street to park at the church. Kat and I walked over to the office to ask if she wanted me to move her car into the parking spot. I thought that was the least I could do since I was "one of those parents".
Again she was very nice about it and said that it was no big deal.
So, there is your lesson for the day. Don't park in the Principal's parking spot even if you have to drop off Mousies. It's totally not worth it.
Have a nice day!
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Chick & Bunny Ears
Ahhh, this has been sitting on my table for at least two weeks. I finally finished it. The first layout of 2013.
I only made 28 pages in 2012. I'm going to try to beat that this year.
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